Hypnotherapy in Telford

NLP presuppositions for effective communication

presuppositions for effective communication.

1. THE MEANING OF A COMMUNICATION IS THE RESPONSE WE GET

When communicating, we are usually intending to transfer information to another person, and for the other person to understand what it is we intend to communicate.

Frequently we assume that if we 'say what we mean to say', our responsibility is over; but effective communicators realise that what they communicate is what the other person thinks they say; and not what they intend to say. Often the two are quite different; and what the other person thinks we said and how they respond, is important. This requires us to pay attention to the response we get; and if it is not the response we want, we need to vary our own communication until we get the desired response.

There are several major sources of 'misunderstanding' in communication. We each have a different life experience associated with each word in the language; and what another person means by a word (their complex equivalence for that word) may be something different from what we mean by it.

The second misunderstanding arises from our failure to realise that our tone of voice and facial expression also communicate information, and that the other person may respond to these, as much as they do to what we say. 'Actions speak louder than words' and when the two are in conflict, we should pay more attention to the actions.

2. THE MAP IS NOT THE TERRITORY

Good communicators realise that the representations they use to organise their experience of the world ('map') are not the world ('territory'). First there is the world, and secondly, our experience of the world. This experience is our 'map' or 'model' of the world, and is different for each person. We each create a unique model of the world, and so live in a somewhat different reality from everyone else. We do not operate directly on the world but on our experience of it; which may or may not be correct.

Our experience, map, model or representation of the world determines how we will perceive the world and what choices we will see available to us. Many NLP techniques involve changing our representation of the world to make it more useful and to bring it more into line with the way the world actually is.

3. LANGUAGE IS A SECONDARY REPRESENTATION OF EXPERIENCE

Language is not experience, but a representation of it; and words are merely arbitrary tokens used to represent things we see, hear or feel. People use different words in different languages, to represent the same things that we all see, hear or feel.

Also, as we each have a unique set of things we have seen, heard and felt in our lives, our words have different meanings for each of us. We are able to communicate effectively to the degree that these meanings are similar; but when they are too dissimilar, problems in communication begin to arise.

4. MIND & BODY ARE EACH PART OF THE SAME CYBERNETIC SYSTEM & AFFECT EACH OTHER

Both are aspects of the same 'whole' or 'gestalt'; and act as one, influencing each other in such a way that there is no separation. Anything that happens in one part of a cybernetic system, such as a human being, will affect all other parts of that system. So the way we think affects how we feel; and the condition of our physical body affects how we think.

Our perceptual input, internal thought process, emotional process, physiological response and behavioural output, all occur both simultaneously and through time.

This means that we can change how we think either by directly changing how we think, or by changing our physiology or feelings. Likewise, we can also change our physiology or emotions by changing how we think. Visualisation and mental rehearsal is therefore important.

5. THE LAW OF REQUISITE VARIETY (also known as the 1st LAW OF CYBERNETICS) STATES THAT IN ANY CYBERNETIC SYSTEM, THE ELEMENT OR PERSON IN THE SYSTEM WITH THE WIDEST RANGE OF BEHAVIOURS OR VARIABILITY OF CHOICE WILL CONTROL THE SYSTEM

Control enables us to influence the quality of our own and other people's experience in the moment, and through time. The person with the greatest flexibility of behaviour i.e. the number of ways of interacting will control the system. Choice is always preferable to no choice, and more choice is always preferable to less choice.

If what we are doing is not working, we need to vary the behaviour and do something else, rather than continuing with what doesn't work; and keep varying our behaviour until we find something that works.

6. BEHAVIOUR IS GEARED TOWARDS ADAPTATION

Behaviour is geared towards adaptation, and our behaviour is determined by the context in which our behaviour originates. Our reality is defined by our perceptions of the world; and the behaviour we exhibit, whether good or bad, is an adaptation to it. All behaviour is, or was once, adaptive, given the context in which it was learned; but in another context it may not be appropriate. We need to realise when our behaviour is inappropriate or unhelpful, and change it.

7. PRESENT BEHAVIOUR REPRESENTS THE VERY BEST CHOICE AVAILABLE TO A PERSON

Behind every behaviour is a positive intent; and we make the best choice available to us at any moment in time, given who we are, based on our life experiences, and the choices we are aware of. If offered a better choice we will take it; and in order to change inappropriate behaviour it is necessary to have other choices. Once other choices are available, we will behave accordingly. Using NLP techniques, we provide more choices and explicitly contextualise the existing choices.

8. BEHAVIOUR IS TO BE EVALUATED & APPRECIATED, OR CHANGED AS APPROPRIATE IN THE PRESENT CONTEXT

We need to evaluate our behaviour in terms of what we are capable of becoming; and strive to become all that we are capable of being.

9. PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES THEY NEED TO MAKE THE CHANGES THEY WANT

We have all we need to make the changes that we want to make; but the task is to locate or access those resources, and make them available in the appropriate context. In practice this means that we do not need to spend time trying to gain insight into our problems or in developing resources to deal with our problems; as we already have all the resources we need. All that is necessary is to access these resources and transfer them to the current time frame.

10. 'POSSIBLE IN THE WORLD' or 'POSSIBLE FOR ME' IS A MATTER ONLY OF HOW

If any other human being is capable of performing some behaviour, then it is possible for us to perform it, too; and the process of determining 'how' we do it is called 'modelling'.

11. THE HIGHEST QUALITY INFORMATION ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE IS BEHAVIOURAL

Listen to what people say but pay more attention to what they do; and if there is any contradiction between the two then we should rely on the behaviour - looking for behavioural evidence of change and not simply relying on their words.

12. IT IS USEFUL TO MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN BEHAVIOUR & SELF

Just because we fail doing something, it doesn't mean that we are a failure. Behaviour is what we say, do, or feel at any moment in time; but is not our self; 'we' are greater than our behaviour.

13. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK

It is more valuable for us to view our experience in terms of a learning frame, than in terms of a failure frame. If we don't succeed in something, that doesn't mean we have failed; it simply means we have discovered one way not to do that particular thing. We then need to vary our behaviour until we find a way to succeed.